Simple English ~ Nicola Prentis

Thoughts on ELT, English and whatever else comes into my head

The State of the Nation (well, 255 people in it)

I’m just about to close my other Twitter account. The one with “sh*te” in the Twitter name.

It seems that the world at large didn’t get the subtle irony of the genius that was/is my parody of Fifty Shades and only people who had  variations on “b*tch”, “tw*t” and “w*nk” ever followed me.  I suspect that they mostly didn’t turn into customers of the parody either, because at 5,500 words, it is 5,480 words more than they can manage to read at a time.

Most of the people that found me are UK based teens/twenties and I don’t claim they are a representation of that demographic, only of the kind of person who seeks out Twitter accounts with “sh*te” in the title. But they do offer a window into chavdom (there, I said it) that is as fascinating as it is repelling, because they Tweet every waking thought – or what passes for thoughts.


Tattoos are where it’s at. A large number of them post pictures of theirs, pictures of their friends’ and Tweet about how much they love their artwork. Piercings too – someone got their “snug” pierced yesterday. I dread to think what body part that is.

They must be bone idle. Morning tweets are full of comments about how they can’t believe they’re up so early. They also love to tweet when they can’t sleep at night, relaying global audiences with those deep and meaningful insights that often come late at night. Like “lying awake”, “can’t sleep” and “still can’t sleep”.

They play out their entire relationships on Twitter #hurtssobad.

Girls mostly call each other b*tch so that’s that misogynistic word firmly claimed by the next generation of women as their handle.

They Snapchat nudes of themselves but Tweet the recommendations for who to follow on Snapchat.

Going to the toilet is one of the most interesting parts of their day.


Writing all this down makes me want to give up my passport. I’ll end on a quote from one of my little Sh*tes which just about sums up my feelings, if not their malady.

“having a brain really messes up your head”






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This entry was posted on August 2, 2013 by in Thoughts and tagged , .
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